We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
