i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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