Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
