Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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