I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
