i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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