My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
