so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
