watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
