yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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