woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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