I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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