We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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