Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
