There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
third nipple confirmed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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