No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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