omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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