I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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