do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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