There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
