On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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