i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
