Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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