I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
