im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize