so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
