He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
