so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
