put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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