What did we do last night that was yellow?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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