you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
