Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize