he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Come see our sink grown plant.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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