my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
