i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
