i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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