home. puking in laundry basket.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
