why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
