My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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