honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
