yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
