Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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