I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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