im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
