my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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