the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
