As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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