May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
