How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
