My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Actions speak louder than pants.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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