Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
