I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
even my farts smell like vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
