well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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