Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize