It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
wow bdsm is so cute
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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