If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize