I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
