i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
