dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
