Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
