Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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